Sunday, 15 April 2007

The very model of a modern moderate mufti

I am the very model of a modern moderate mufti
I’ve support significant, from the clergy and the laity
My Friday sermons are renowned for being rather radical
And guaranteed to whip the press up something quite hysterical

And while I am always very quick to support the Taliban
I’m definitely not moving to some village in Afghanistan
When someone wants a fatwa there’s no point in using common sense
With too many dreadful facts about Islamic jurisprudence

Chorous
With too many dreadful facts about Islamic jurisprudence
With too many dreadful facts about Islamic jurisprudence
With too many dreadful facts about Islamic jurisprudence

I am very good at views both extreme and fundamentalist
When quoted out of context I just blame a western journalist
I’ve support significant, from the clergy and the laity
I am the very model of a modern moderate mufti

Chorus
With support significant, from the clergy and the laity
He is the very model of a modern moderate mufti

I know Islamic history, and am quick to judge a heresy
My comments when translated are absurd and just a travesty
When handing out a decree I’m very pious and religious
When preaching hate and martyrdom I’m sure to be ambiguous

I can always go commercial, just look at talk-back radio
Or even boost the ratings on some prime time television show
When it’s common to be a radical I’ll always try my hardest
So the general public knows I am just an armchair jihadist

Chorus
So the general public knows he is just an armchair jihadist
So the general public knows he is just an armchair jihadist
So the general public knows he is just an armchair jihadist

My weekly shopping list is handwritten in classic Arabic
And everything halal I’m very sure is only what I pick
With support significant, from the clergy and the laity
I am the very model of a modern moderate mufti

Chorus
With support significant, from both clergy and the laity
He is the very model of a modern moderate mufti

In fact, when I know what is meant by "muruwah" and "mu’tazilah
When I can tell at sight a caliph from an ayatollah
I’ve no time for such affairs as family births and marriages
When I have to plan to headline all the daily tabloid pages

But there’s no better way I have learnt, to annoy the infidel
Then with some tremendous ranting of dogma puritanical
And even though I know I’m not a sultan or a Saladin
You'll say a better moderate mufti never wore a turban

Chorus
You'll say a better moderate mufti never wore a turban
You'll say a better moderate mufti never wore a turban
You'll say a better moderate mufti never wore a turban

And with all my ancient knowledge and fine scholastic pedigree
I see no point in looking further than the eighteenth century
With significant support both from clergy and the laity
I am the very model of a modern moderate mufti

Chorus
With significant support both from clergy and the laity
He is the very model of a modern moderate mufti

 

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