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Judge follows custom, says McCulloug
As if the shock and awe tactics of the Iraqi invasion were not enough, America is poised to launch another devastating attack on Iraqs.

Weapons of Mass Conversion
As if the shock and awe tactics of the Iraqi invasion were not enough, America is poised to launch another devastating attack on Iraqs.

Enron Man Spam Scam
The Enron scandal has taken another bizarre twist with far reaching political and financial implications.

Impressive Results From Spam
John Thomas says he never took any notice when the emails first started appearing.

Baptist Sex Scandal
Full immersion baptism is shaping up as the next sex scandal to hit Christian churches across the globe as numerous born-again Christians launch a class action.

Government Policy Disturbing UN
A United Nations' committee has delivered a scathing attack on Australia's treatment of Opposition party members.

One Fels Swoop
The Australian Competition and Consumer Commission swooped on Federal Government offices across the country.

Grandmother Steals Crap From Web
Who is this middle aged grandmother spending her twilight years dabbling in web design and left wing theatre.

Police Lose Morale Launch Manhunt
Police Minister Michael Costa today issued a police identikit photo of the man believed to be responsible for the rising crime wave gripping NSW.

Bush Clone Highjacks Conference
Remarks attributed to American President George Bush, regarding Human cloning legislation on 10 April 2002, are now believed to be those of a defective Presidential clone

Zimbabwe Wins First Oscar
It really was bad timing for Slobodan Milosevic and Saddam Hussein as Hollywood decided to stop overlooking Blacks at this year's Academy Awards.

Terrorists at Woomera
As part of John Howard's unconditional support for the United States in its battle against terrorism, detainees in the Woomera detention centre will be moved.

Government Policy Driven by Internet
Internet Polling is driving the Australian government’s hard-line policy on illegal immigrants and asylum seekers.

Alexis of Evil
In a dramatic move to improve their ratings since September 11 CNN has turned to the 80s classic Dynasty.

Bishop: Keroserene But Not Hurt
Bronwyn Bishop, the woman who once had visions of being Australia's first female prime minister denied she was furious at being denied a place in John Howard's ministry.

Troops to Marginal Electorates
In a surprise move Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, announced yesterday that the government is sending troops to remote marginal electorates to help win the war against boat people and queue jumpers.

Vandals Hound Afghans
Arsonists destroyed a hall used by the New South Wales Afghan Hound Club yesterday. Police confirmed it was the second attack on an Afghan Hound club in a week.

The Yankee Crusade
As America prepares to defend everything decent, pure and white by marching on the holy lands in a global crusade against terrorism, the FBI has added a new name to its most wanted list.

Australia Saves Ansett New Zealand
Following the collapse of Ansett the Australian government has put together a rescue package not only for the troubled airline, but also for New Zealand.

Don't Tampa with Australia
International support for the Australian Government response to the asylum seekers stranded aboard MS Tampa off Christmas Island has begun to flow in.

Bog Bother The Election
Channel 9 has pulled the rug out from under the ABC, and in a dramatic challenge to Channel 10, is going ahead with plans for Bog Bother the Election.

Hot Line to God Closed Down
The Vatican was in turmoil last night after the Pope's official Hot Line to God was closed down. Vatican officials hurried to pour oil on troubled waters by initially denying the rumours and then insisting it was just a technical hitch.

Hooked on Chanel 10
Keen to capitalise on the runaway success of Big Brother, and following the huge success of Boot Camp and Survivor in all its flavours, Channel 10 revealed details of their next big show guaranteed to be a ratings success.

CityRail Acts on Impulse
In a move that has been welcomed by Australian Competition and Consumer Commission chairman, Professor Allan Fels, the State Rail Authority of New South Wales has started talks with discount carrier Impulse Airlines on a possible deal.

Parliament Bans Foreign Visitors
Following CNN reports that Australia has foot-in-mouth disease, Prime Minister John Howard has moved into damage control and was forced to defend his decision to ban all UK and EU politicians from entering Australia

Medics on Alert at City Casinos
The Federal Government has reportedly launched an inquiry into the risks of long-term gambling and may force casinos and hotels with gambling machines to take more action to tackle what is being termed poverty-class syndrome.

Buckingham Palace settles old score
In yet another bizarre twist in the American election fiasco, Buckingham Palace has begun moves that will see America return to the Commonwealth.

UN Monitors American Democracy
President Robert Mugabe has stepped into the American political crisis demanding that the United Nations send in a peace-keeping force to oversee new elections.

Democracy Inaction
In an attempt to wipe the egg off their faces America's television networks have offered the presidential candidates a compromise deal.

The Carnival is Over --- Almost
As the closing ceremony for the XXVII Olympic Games draws near, Sydney is being warned by commentators to prepare for a severe case of Post Olympic Depression Syndrome (PODS).

Threatened Athlete Sprints Off
In unconfirmed reports that have just reached us, a top athlete has apparently fled Sydney after being threatened in her hotel room.

One Nation Infighting Mode
Pauline Hanson is claiming victory in her attempt to dump her former advisor David Oldfield

Missing Woman Found after 12 Years
In a bizarre incident, a woman missing for 12 years has been found alive in the NSW Upper House.

Bowled Over! By God!
The match-fixing scandal that has badly damaged the reputation of cricket, has thrown together some unlikely bed partners as concerned players try to restore public interest in the game.

Coup Robbery 2000
George Speight, the man behind yet another coup in Fiji has predicted the Fiji crisis will be over in two days.

Just say no --- to biscuits!
The Northern Territory has moved to ward of criticism of its mandatory sentencing laws by launching a multi-million dollar "Say No to Biscuits" campaign.

GST Starts to Needle
The Government is once again facing GST chaos and a consumer backlash as more details of the GST emerge. Drug dealers will be forced to put up their prices by more then 10 per cent as they try to offset the costs of complying with the new tax system.

Fox Studios --- The Ride of your Life
Fox Studios, flushed with pride at the success of their Backlot theme park, are planning new attractions to dwarf the success of the Titanic joy ride.

Monarchist to the Rescue
Kerry Jones, Australia's very own princess, has not been resting on her tiara since defeating the political elites in the recent republic referendum.

ICAC: The show goes on!
In a move that has caught the opposition parties off guard, the NSW Government has, in a secret deal, sold the Independent Commission Against Corruption (ICAC) to Channel Ten.

Literate Students found in School
Australian Education has been thrown into turmoil with new allegations that literate students have been found in the school system.

A very Australian Coup
The Australian republic debate has taken a strange twist. In news just to hand, it appears Interfet commander, Major-General Cosgrove, has seized power in a military coup.

Political Fraud --- A Growing Crime
It's official. A new study by the Australian Institute of Criminology has shown what all Australians have already worked out --- political fraud is a lucrative industry, ahead of illegal guns and drug dealing.

Operation Quarter Pounder
The American consumer war machine has sprung into action to repair the damage in East Timor. In a major offensive to end the military inspired anarchy in Dili, McDonald’s is planning to send 5000 peacekeeping gherkins to East Timor.

Beware the Aides of March
In a controversial move, that has the blessing of the NSW Government, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence are to establish Australia's first legal marching room in Darlinghurst.

It's a GST --- More or Lees
John Howard has been threatening and promising it for so long it has finally happened. Australian voters are facing the political reality of a double disillusion.

NATO Meets its Portaloo
NATO, the world's biggest arms cartel, is about to muscle in on the insurance business.

Government plans Lotto Levy
John Howard is planning to scrap the proposed GST and introduce a new Lotto Levy to revolutionise the Australian Tax system.

Does Chika have the ticker?
As the NSW election campaign goes into the final week, the Liberals have eventually unleashed their secret weapon. NSW Opposition Leader, Kerry Chikarovski, has come out fighting.

Spot the Difference
Here at Rocket we have just learned the real reason for the recent leadership coup in the NSW Liberal Party.

Bribery 2000!
Juan Samaranch is probably one man who never thought Sydney's bid for the 2000 Olympics bid was squeaky clean.

Australian Conversationists demand more dialogue!
The Australian Government has been severely embarrassed with the publication of a scientific report indicating our conversation levels are amongst the lowest in the world.

Goodbye Yankee Rose
America was brought to a standstill this morning by the news of Monica Lewinsky's tragic and untimely death.

Tax reform hits the GST spot!
Dr Ruth Westheimer, the world's most famous sex therapist better known simply as, Dr Ruth, is in Sydney. Dr Ruth, who has been invited to Sydney by a nervous Government backbench concerned by the Prime Minister's tax plan, and subsequent behaviour, is certainly not shy when it comes to speaking her mind.

The wonderful, horrible laugh of Pauline Hanson.
Pauline Hanson's One-Notion Nation has committed itself to slashing funding to the arts and abolishing Queensland's contribution to the National Firearms Control Scheme and the Anti-Discrimination Commission to help fund their election promises. Yet, they are spending a small fortune on changing the way mainstream Australia views Pauline.

Queensland -- beautiful one day fundamentalist the next!
In a move that is sure to thwart any attempt by Pauline Hanson's One Nation to hold the balance of power in Queensland, the Queensland Government is set to introduce the world's most liberal animal rights legislation.

Conspiracy rocks the docks!
In late-breaking news that has come to our attention here at Rocket, it is becoming more apparent that the conspiracy on the Australian waterfront goes a lot further than was at first believed. It appears that the operation involves a web of intrigue that stretches around the globe.

Between a rock and a hard place
Proving yet again that he is indeed the right man for the job, John Herron has released a plan that shows he is not only on top of his post as Minister for Aboriginal Affairs, but also has a firm grasp of the real issues surrounding his sensitive portfolio.

Saddamned if you do, Saddamned if you don't
Not content with suppling some Australian military personnel to bolster America's chances in yet another attempt to do something about Saddam Hussein, the Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, is keen to see his popularity ratings soar to new levels, and is embarking on a strategy emulating the American President's sexual prowess.

Political Enhancement
The recent furore regarding the drug habits of Chinese swimmers has thrown some light on a topic most Australian politicians would rather not talk about, namely that performance-enhancing drugs are rife in the Australian political system.

The force of television
In a secret deal recently agreed to between television executives and the NSW Government and brokered by Jana Wendt, the best dressed auto-cue reader Australia has ever known, New South Wales Police Stations will be taken over by Channel 9.

The final solution?
Dr Philip Nitschke, Australia's very own controversial death doctor is once again proving himself to be controversial.

An open letter to Franca Arena
As a mother of children and of the Nation, I share your pain and struggle as you try to help the little ones of Australia who cannot speak for themselves.

Government response to Wik off the planet
The Australian Prime Minister John Howard today admitted that the Australian Government is secretly ploughing billions of dollars into the Mars Pathfinder mission -- with the intention of solving the Wik crisis by transporting Aborigines to Mars.

To wik to bloody woo!
In a surprise move, that is sure to thwart Kerry Packer's attempt to own Fairfax by Christmas, a consortium of Aboriginal interest groups is planning to launch a surprise bid on Fairfax.

The Truth!
In yet another exclusive scoop Rocket can now reveal that the author of Pauline Hanson The Truth is none other than Marlo Morgan, an American author who has been denounced as a fraud and a thief after publishing a best-selling new-age book Mutant Message Down Under.

Pauline Hanson launches her One Notion Party
Resplendent in a red dress slit up the side from here to eternity, and in a blaze of publicity that is still resounding through RSL Clubs around Australia, Pauline Hanson, the woman who launched a thousand chips, dashed through a crowd of jeering protesters to launch her new political party at the Ipswich Civic Centre and so begin a new era in Australian politics.

Sandline Mercenaries to join Queensland Police Force
In an extraordinary deal thrashed out between the Federal Government and PNG's Foreign Minister the Sandline Mercenaries are to be used in Queensland.

Sydney Gay and Lesbian Committee to run SOCOG
In a bold move to combat the public perception that SOCOG is fast becoming nothing more than a faction of the extreme right-wing of the NSW Labor Party, Premier Bob Carr has announced that the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Committee, is to take over the running of the Sydney 2000 Olympic Games.

The Prime Minister's 1997 Easter Message
As you all may know, Easter is the traditional time of the year when all devout and law-abiding Australians gather to confirm, once again, that all is right in the country.

Howard launches "Work-For-The-Rort" scheme
Prime Minister John Howard has vowed to introduce a "Work-for-the-Rort" scheme to ensure that every politician actually does the job they were elected to do.

Mardi Gras
I knew something was wrong when I opened up the Wentworth Courier --- a little Sydney, suburban weekly --- to see Pete's Party Products in Woolloongabba, Queensland, advertising Mardi Gras banners and tinsel accessories.

SOCOG Olympic Gold
Bugger the medals --- if you really want Olympic gold run for the SOCOG salaries. A bunch of high powered business executives appear set to reap huge rewards by competing in the Sydney Olympic 2000 rat race.

Women about the House
Regardless of their political persuasions, the women in Australian politics have shown themselves to be amazingly conservative, as they try to prove they have the balls for the job.

Baton down the hatches!
SOCOG, the Sydney Organising Committee of the rich and famous, who are running the Sydney Olympic Games, are putting traffic officers to shame in their quest for money to fund this little sporty shindig --- and pay their exorbitant salaries.

Hanson's Kindie Surprise
What should have been a routine vote winning exercise for Pauline Hanson and her Pauline Hanson Movement Party turned into a bit of a public relations disaster

Media Manipulation
Just when you thought all the interest in Pauline Hanson was dying down, she discovers a way of grabbing headline attention without saying a single racist word.

Don't cry for me Australasia
Well, it was bound to happen. After whipping up a storm of controversy, and generating a wave of popular support from middle-class Australians with her "I have a bream" speech, the Evita of Australasian politics, Pauline Hanson is about to be immortalised in a musical.

Pauline for PM?
Forget about the senate. This girl has her eyes on the top job, and like Bronwyn Bishop before her, she no doubt firmly believes it to be in her grasp.

PM raps Pauline over the knuckles
The rumour mill here at Rocket has been buzzing lately. From the reports we have been receiving it would appear that the PM has finally decided to pull Pauline Hanson into line.

Has support for Pauline reached rock bottom?
The strangest bits of mail pass through Rocket. This latest bit of fluff dumped in our inbox seems to suggest that support for Pauline Hanson is indeed beginning to fall.

Pauline Hanson to carry Michael Jackson's love child
Pauline Hanson, Australia's most prominent fish batterer, has declared herself to be a keen follower of, and lover of Michael Jackson.

The ambience of our discontent
Ambient music is turning out to be controversial. You would think listening to the haunting mating call of hump back whales, with a backbeat of bird song, was enough to instill calmness in the heart of any raging beast.

Let them eat fish
Both major political parties appear to have done a deal that will effectively witness the political demise of Pauline Hanson at the next general election.

Lout Of Africa