Pauline to carry Michael Jackson's love child
Pauline Hanson, Australia's most prominent fish batterer, has declared herself to be a keen follower of, and lover of Michael Jackson.
Although the two of them managed to avoid being seen or photographed together in public, Pauline was never far from Michael's side during his recent visit to Sydney.
At one stage she was spotted among a crowd of fans who had gathered outside the Sydney Hotel where he was staying. She was wearing what appeared to be a surgical mask made from an old Ken Done tea towel.
"Fortunately, the news that Michael was married, was far more important", she said in a later exclusive with Oprah Winfrey.
Pauline and Michael also managed to make a secret visit to a remote Aboriginal tribe. Together, they handed out cheap Chinese stuffed koalas, plastic boomerangs and some Ken Done mugs to surprised Aboriginal children. "I love children so much, I am just happy that I am able to bring so much joy to these poor children" said Michael holding an Aboriginal baby, while a beaming Pauline looked on.
Michael and Pauline also spent some time teaching the Aboriginal children how to throw their new boomerang gifts. "These are just the most adorable children", said Michael. "I would just love to adopt them all, and take them back to America with me."
Later, Pauline, still wearing her Ken Done surgical mask appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show. She expressed her love for Michael, while at the same time admiring Oprah's fashion sense. "I admire Michael so much", she said. "He has not let the colour of his skin stand in his way. We need more people like that in Australia - what he has managed to do with his fire-damaged hair is just amazing", she confided to Oprah.
During her chat with Oprah, she also admitted that she secretly wanted to have Michael's love child. "I want Australia, and the world to know that I am not a racist", she exclaimed fervently, "and I can think of no better way then by having a baby for Michael. Like him, I have had my problems with false reporting in newspapers and on TV and have had my own share of life's knocks, but I believe we can help each other. I don't even care that he is a Jehovah's Witness".
Talking of their visit to the remote Aboriginal community Pauline admitted that they came close to having their first argument: "Yes, we wanted to take them gifts", Pauline said, "Michael thought it would be a good idea to give them something. Although I would have preferred to give them Frisbees and yo-yos to help them assimilate more into our Australian culture. I think I was right, because I later I heard that some of the children would have liked to get BMXs and roller blades. These children want so much to be a part of our Australian culture, but we keep holding them back".
It is not known if the Oprah segment will be shown in Australia, although Jana Wendt is keen to have it on Witness.