Howard launches "Work-For-The-Rort" scheme
Prime Minister John Howard has vowed to introduce a "Work-for-the-Rort" scheme to ensure that every politician actually does the job they were elected to do.
"Every day people are sick to death of politicians rorting the system", said John Howard. "It is time politicians were forced to work for their tax-payer funded perks".
Under the new scheme politicians would have to spend a certain amount of time doing community service work, where they would be able to regain their self respect. Community work would also enable politicians to get back in touch with grass-roots issues affecting ordinary people.
The Opposition have branded the move as nothing more than a silly, political stunt.
Kim Beazley, Leader of the Opposition, said the scheme would never work, and would be nothing more than a glorified boot camp. "We work damn hard as it is", said Kim, "and the military have more important things to do than run holiday camps".
Gareth Evans, Deputy Opposition Leader called the whole thing a joke. "Look at Mal Colston, he said. "He become a bloody Major in the army. He went in a thin man, and look at him now. Overweight. With his hands still firmly stuck in the cookie jars on both sides of politics. The Howard Government has failed to ensure politicians avoid the gravy train and pay their own way through life".
Alexander Downer defended the Government's plan saying it would be no picnic, would help restore the faith of ordinary Australians in the political system, and tax-payers would be better off knowing that elected politicians are not goofing off.
"This will be no boot camp, run by the army", he said, "after all, the army could not even make a man out of Mal Colston, but we guarantee to make three men out of him! This Government is seriously committed to ensuring that the people of Australia will be getting their money's worth out of every Australian politician."
Jeff Kennett, although supportive of the idea said it was ridiculous to expect politicians to do community service work, where they would pick up useless skills. "It is important that politicians spend some time actually working in the political arena, where they can pick up the skills relevant to their careers and not waste their time washing graffiti off walls", he said.
Defence Spokesperson, Bronwyn Bishop said she believed the legislation would have no trouble passing through the Senate. "After all", she said. "We have the numbers, and the Democrats would support anything that did not involve the sale of Telstra".
Later Gareth Evans denied he called Mal Colston fat, although he agreed the man was probably just to lazy to shit!