Sydney Gay and Lesbian Committee to run SOCOG
In a bold move to combat the public perception that SOCOG is fast becoming nothing more than a faction of the extreme right-wing of the NSW Labor Party, Premier Bob Carr has announced that the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Committee, is to take over the running of the Sydney 2000 Olympic Games.
"It is important that the SOCOG Commitee, in the build up to the 2000 Olympics is seen to be totally apolitical and independent", Bob Carr said at a press conference with the Mardi Gras Committee. "Although Michael Knight has done a tremendous job, I am worried that so many well qualified CEOs have left in the last few years. If this had been any other company, shareholders would be demanding an explanation. They would also be entitled to one!"
Mardi Gras president, Bev Lange was thrilled to bits. "This will really put the Sydney gay community on the map and help boost our chances of staging the 2002 Gay Games in Sydney", she said.
"After all, we have been organising Sydney's major cultural event for the last 20 years", she went on to say. "So we feel more then qualified to organise this sporting event".
Bev was enthusiastic about her committee's chances of success. And so she should be! Apparently they have already sold all the gold memberships to the Olympic Stadium. "It was no big deal", she said. "All we did was offer package deals to all of Sydney's Gay Sex Venues with the memberships".
Other members of the Mardi Gras Committee were equally ecstatic, promising that the opening Ceremony would be a spectacular do, featuring yards of green and gold sequins and spunky athletes wearing next to nothing. It is probably also the first time the Olympic flame will be lit by someone in drag. Rumour has it it could even be Fatty from The Footy Show.
More importantly the Mardi Gras Committee were adamant they would create an atmosphere where all athletes would feel comfortable regardless of their sexuality. All heterosexuals would be welcome to compete in all events, and would not be required to provide written reasons for being allowed to participate.
"No athlete need fear indiscriminate drug testing at the Sydney 2000 Olympic Games," said a Mardi Gras spokesperson. "We feel that adult athletes should be allowed to take what ever performance enhancing substances they like. We will have chill out areas, and medical officers on hand to render assistance to those suffering the effects of substance abuse. We will also be supplying clean syringes, but we will not be testing athletes for drugs, as we feel this is a gross invasion of privacy".
Condoms would also be provided for those athletes whose coaches prescribed healthy doses of sex the night before their events.
When asked how she felt about working with Michael Knight and the rest of the NSW Labor right wing with their penchant for knee-capping anyone who got in their way, Bev replied that she had no trouble establishing a perfectly good working relationship with both Michael Knight and Graham Richardson. "In fact", she said, "they became quite cooperative when I pointed out to them that members of the radical, gay, conservative, S & M leather scene would be more than eager to crush their balls between two bricks".