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Government response to Wik off the planet

The Australian Prime Minister John Howard today admitted that the Australian Government is secretly ploughing billions of dollars into the Mars Pathfinder mission -- with the intention of solving the Wik crisis by transporting Aborigines to Mars.

Although the Minister for Aboriginal Affairs, John Herron, initially refused to comment on the matter, he later admitted that his department was seriously looking at the possibility of sending certain disruptive, racially non-homogenous sectors of the population to Mars by the year 2010".

"After all", the minister said, "members of these sectors of Australian society have been living in the most desolate, god-forsaken, squalled parts of the country for so long, they should have no problems adapting to the harsh, barren, Martian conditions.

The Prime Minister has made it quite clear that Australians do not owe this rowdy, ungrateful minority an apology. We can however give them the opportunity for self-determination, and the chance to utilize their extraordinary survival skills on another planet while pioneering a new life in the great Australian tradition".

However, Mr Herron went on to make it quite clear no one will be forced to leave Australia. "Those who want to stay, and abide by the Governments 10-point Wik plan will be quite welcome to remain on mission stations, and in the case of children, under the supervised care of the many hardworking religious orders, who over many years have made it their duty to teach the less fortunate among us that they are personally responsible for the suffering of Christ and that they should be thankful for the generosity shown to them by middle class, suburban families who can give them far more out of life than they truly deserve".

We are happy to give the less fortunate among us all the land rights they want --- on Mars, with all the other primitive life forms that inhabit that planet!", the Minister said.

The Minister for Small Business, Peter Reith, hailed the decision as a victory for small business and hotels which will now have the opportunity to expand and open bottle shops on Mars, which in turn could only lead to a further reduction in unemployment.

Pauline Hanson,eager to keep herself in the news, called a hasty press conference where she welcomed the decision. "It will lead to an instant reduction in the unemployment rate across the country", she said. "However it does not go far enough, and I will not rest until all illegal aliens, who fail to assimilate and learn English, are sent back to where they came from".