Australian Conversationists demand more dialogue!
The Australian Government has been severely embarrassed with the publication of a scientific report indicating our conversation levels are amongst the lowest in the world. Academics have denounced Australian attempts at conversation with this report suggesting many third world countries have better conversation standards than we do.
In a groundbreaking move towards reconciliation with the major conversation bodies, the new Minister for Conversation has said he is "ready to talk".
"Well," he said, "It is, well, um really pretty well, obvious that we really, are um, well. We need to talk through the, the um issues. Personally I think it is still, um possible to um, find some common ground, where we can um, come together on this um, very important issue of concern to all Australians".
"It is quite frankly, and I stress that this is, um, my own personal view on this particular situation, that if we all just, um, well work together on this problem. And I mean, the problem at hand that we are, um, discussing at the moment regarding the concern for conversation, or in fact the um, lack of it, in Australia. It is, um, my opinion, that we can, with the help and cooperation of the other States begin a coordinated, and uniform approach to tackling, what is, um, and I stress again, that it is my personal opinion, a problem for Australia. As the Minister concerned, I would like to um, well, do my best to ensure that Australia's conversation levels are the envy of the modern world".
Although some conversationists have welcomed the move, the Australian Conversation Movement today dismissed the attempt as nothing more than window dressing by a government that has left conversation on the back burner for far too long.
"We have been wanting to discuss this with the Minister for some time now, but our calls for dialogue have gone unanswered and our phone calls unreturned," a spokesperson said.
"Suddenly, the government, looking to claim the moral high ground is seeking more dialogue, when it is obvious no Government Minister could string a sensible intelligent sentence together without relying on excessive hyperbole, mixed metaphors, repetition, and split infinitives. In an attempt to rectify the problem, we need a more radical approach".
Meanwhile, the opposition spokesperson, in a perfectly worded 30 second sound bite, has called on the government to "supply more doing words and less describing words."
Greenspeech, an organization renowned for plugging large gapping holes, leaking political waste products, has long been concerned about conversation issues.
They have been at the forefront of a campaign calling for a reduction in vowel movements for some time now. Although Greenspeech has been a long time supporter of freespeech, they have warned that in this present climate of globalization we need to cut back on hot air emissions.
"We need to stop this excessive wastage, and stop and think about what we are saying," a Greenspeech spokesperson said. "Many Australian Politicians are suffering from foot in mouth disease. This is a symptom of long term abuse and we are concerned it will spread to the wider community if something is not done about it now".
"We need to think about what we are leaving our children, we are squandering their language. If we don't act now, what will become of the spoken generation?"
A more radical conversationist group, are planning to stand candidates in the upcoming NSW State election under the slogan "More Chat Less Chit".