Spot the Difference

Here at Rocket we have just learned the real reason for the recent leadership coup in the NSW Liberal Party.

Replacing the rather bland Peter Collins with the ever-beige Kerry Chikarovski had nothing to do with party polling that showed Peter Collins had no chance of leading the Liberals --- or anyone else for that matter --- to victory.

Liberal minders became terrified that voters would mistake Peter Collins for One Nation's David Oldfield.

The physical similarities between the two are uncanny. Even their virtual reality glasses appear to be the same. What do their fashion minders think they are doing? It is one thing to grow into a pair of trousers - but who on earth needs to grow into their glasses.

David Oldfield
Peter Collins

Liberal insides were galvanised into action only when their secret polling showed that voters were increasingly mistaking David Oldfield for Peter Collins.

Still smarting after their last election debacle --- when Pauline Hanson only managed to get herself elected because she was still listed on the ballot paper as the Liberal candidate for Ipswich --- they sprang into action.

Many other Liberal insiders were already terrified that their sympathies for One Nation ideology, would also confuse voters as they struggled to spot the difference between the two men.

Hell hath no fury like a liberal spurred and the party machine wasted no time shanghaiing the ill prepared Kerry Chikarovski into the top job.

Although the party machine was keen on a bloodless coup, Kerry, leader-in-waiting had obviously not been doing her homework when sitting on the back bench.

After a few awkward public gaffes, while under intense media scrutiny, it was obvious more drastic measures were needed.

Kerry Chihuahua was muzzled for a month by Liberal party hacks, while she was groomed on basic party policy, effectively ending her honeymoon with the NSW public.

Unfortunately a month in politics really is a long time. So long in fact that Labor didn't have to worry about Kerry yapping at Bob Carr's heels.

We are unable to confirm reports of Peter Collins set to make a last minute dash to reclaim leadership of the Liberal Party after undergoing a personality transplant.

However anything is possible in the NSW State election The number of candidates and political parties contesting seats in the March NSW election is mind boggling. But as NSW Lotteries have taught our would be politicians so well: "You have to be in it to win it".

David Oldfield, the One Nation office boy, is joining the gold rush for a place in the NSW Upper House. Even though the bubble in Pauline Hanson's political kitchen of bigotry that heralded the march of her One Nation HizbAllah into the Queensland Parliament, and the Australian consciousness has finally burst.

The shower of resignations, recriminations, skulduggery and cat-fighting, tearing through One Nation, is enough to put professional politicians to shame.

One Nation support is already sinking faster than Isabelle Autissier --- and there is no rescue ship in sight. David is doing everything he can to ensure the recent defection of One Nation Queensland MPs will not hinder his quest for a spot in the NSW Upper House, and the most generous superannuation scheme in Australia.

Politicians are very quick to point out that their huge salaries and perks are there to attract people of the highest calibre.

They are not getting paid peanuts. So why is parliament being overrun by a bunch of monkeys?