Government plans Lotto Levy

John Howard is planning to scrap the proposed GST and introduce a new Lotto Levy to revolutionise the Australian Tax system.

The Liberal Party, facing the defeat of their GST, has been frantically working on a new tax proposal guaranteed to pass through the Upper House.

Liberal insiders describe the policy, which involves the introduction of a Lotto Levy and the abolition of personal income tax, as breathtaking in its simplicity.

All Australians will pay a compulsory Lotto Levy regardless of their income.

Based on the successful Medicare system, all Australians will pay $8.00, for the minimum of 4 Lotto games, twice a week. Every working Australian will be in the draw for both nights, with a chance of winning the jackpot.

Those in higher tax brackets will pay for more games but only be entered in the standard 4.

All Australian tax payers, or 'tax players' as they will now be called, will be issued with a Lotto registration number.

The Treasurer, Mr Costello described it as a win-win situation." This is a tax that everyone will want," he said. "Everyone will have a chance to win the jackpot. It's part of the new 'users plays' Liberal philosophy that will take us into the new century."

Details are sketchy, but 'tax players' will be allowed to increase their chances of winning by increasing their weekly contribution at anytime. When the scheme is up and running, the Tax Department will be floated on the stock exchange.

"We want Mums and Dads to have the chance of owning a part of the Tax Department," Mr Costello said. "We are confident that the majority of Australians will be 100 per cent behind the scheme to privatise the Tax Department. This will be bigger than the Telstra sell off. We will be selling the lot."

Civil Liberty groups are unhappy with the proposal to force everyone to have a Lotto registration number, calling it an invasion of privacy. They want compulsory registration scrapped. Government sources say that no one will be forced to obtain a Lotto registration number. However, winners will not be paid out unless they are registered. This is to ensure winnings are taxed.

To minimise tax, winners will be allowed to 'roll over' their winnings, increasing their chances of winning again. At anytime they will be allowed to 'opt-out' of the system and take the cash.

Democrats and the Greens are demanding newsagents be compensated for the business they will lose as customers no longer need to buy weekly Lotto tickets. Government sources point out that no compensation will be paid as everyone will still be free to buy as many tickets as they want. In fact they are expecting an increase in Lotto sales as consumers have more spare money.

John Howard described the plan as the "play as you earn" tax system that will take Australia into the new millennium. "Every tax payer in the country will stand a chance of winning and we are sure everyone will want to be a part of it. You have to be in it to win it and every Australian will pay their fair share."

Government analysts are predicting a huge boost to the economy. Most Lotto winners spend the lot fairly soon after winning it. So this money will be going straight back into the economy which will be a boost for small business.

Australia is already making a fortune from gambling. Moving from a 'user pays' mentality to a 'user plays' mentality, will make it a lot easier for the Government to give tax concessions to the gambling industry.

Senator Harradine was unavailable for comment, but it is understood that the porn-again senator is happy with the scheme. In secret negotiations with the government, he has secured major concessions for his beloved Tasmania. The whole Tax Department will move to Hobart. The government is also set to bow to his demands for Internet censorship, to ensure his support.

Mr Colston's, support would not be needed.

"It was important that we moved away from the GST," said a liberal spokesman, who did not wish to be named. "It was an election promise, but no one in the Liberal Party was happy about having to rely on the support of a crook to get legislation through."

The reverend Fred Nile is said to be outraged. However, as no known homosexuals are involved, he is powerless to act.