UN Monitors American Democracy

President Robert Mugabe has stepped into the American political crisis demanding that the United Nations send in a peace-keeping force to oversee new elections.

"It is obvious that the American system has failed," he said in a CNN interview. " The recent election proves to the world that America has no idea how to run a fair election. Millions of citizens are effectively disenfranchised. The world needs to be reassured that new elections will be fair and free from fraud."

Robert Magube has offered to send in a team of Zimbabwean officials to help monitor the process and ensure the fairness of the result.

"Our people are used to dealing with illiterate voters. It is clear that all ballots should have a colour picture so voters are certain who they are voting for. And everyone should be fingerprinted."

UN officials are standing by to airlift humanitarian aid to the frail and elderly of Florida. "These people are stressed and bewildered that the democratic process has denied them their right to vote as they intended," said a UN spokesperson.

The Organisation of African Unity (OAU) has come out in support of Mr Mugabe's proposal, questioning the ability of America to bring stability to the Middle East when their own leaders are incapable of healing the rift in American society.

Napoleon Matwetwe of the Democratic Republic Congo is also urging the UN to take action. Newspaper editorials in the Republic have been scathing in their contempt labeling the US as patronising, and suggesting they are no better at running an election in their own country as they are anywhere else in the world.

In a prepared press statement President Yoweri Kaguta Museveni of Uganda said "We are prepared to send a team to help monitor the American transition back to democracy and ensure due electoral process in Florida. The people of The Republic Uganda offer our support to the American people in their anti-corruption attempt to create an environment where all its citizens can achieve their full potential as members of a truly global community as they strive for their emancipation from oppression and intimidation by journalists."

The UN firmly believes that the American people will have to vote again. This time they want to put in place procedures to ensure everyone can exercise their right to vote in way that is seen to be fair.

Nelson Mandela stepped out of retirement to urge the Americans to form a Government of National Unity. "In Africa we have proved that this can work. There are many experts in South Africa who could help the opposing sides negotiate a truce to solve this crisis that is splitting the American nation in two. I am confident Bush and Gore could work together as Co-Presidents while the politics are debated. If I could negotiate with my captors after 27 years in prison then Gore and Bush should be able to sit down and talk now."

The UN has signaled its readiness to participate in any monitoring role, but is demanding that the rights of the press be curtailed.

"We don't mind journalists," said a UN spokesperson. "All America has is its entertainers. We will be bringing our own news teams with us.

"We have an enormous number of personnel stationed in Rwanda and Burundi that we can move at a moment's notice. Many of them have been forced to endure third world conditions and would relish the chance of being able to operate in a country with decent sewerage and an air conditioning system that works."

The UN has even drawn up plans to turn Disney Word into a UN command centre. "Once we are given the OK we can start moving in our personnel. There are tarred roads and the infrastructure is relatively sound so it should not take us too long to set up camp."

Amnesty International has written to President Clinton urging him to ensure the protection of human rights in Florida and ensure a spirit of bipartisanship is encouraged.

Amnesty International also highlighted its concerns about threats to freedom of expression. The organization expressed fears that "failure to ensure the elections were free from fraud and voter intimidation throws throws into doubt America's status as the leader of the free world."

Meanwhile Cuba's Fidel Castro has publicly thanked the Miami Cubans for the role they played in revealing the hypocrisy of American democracy.