Buckingham Palace settles old score

In yet another bizarre twist in the American election fiasco, Buckingham Palace has begun moves that will see America return to the Commonwealth.

In an attempt to restore the monarchy in America, Buckingham Palace has confirmed a number of the lesser Royals have begun a tour of Canada.

While the official royal yacht Britannia has long been decommissioned, Buckingham Palace also confirmed that the Queen is ready to embark on a tour of Disney Land.

In a prepared speech on the BBC, Queen Elizabeth II expressed her concern over the failure of the Americans to elect a President. She also raised the possibility of America being run by a group of lawyers rather than a democratically elected government.

Her Majesty confirmed that the United Kingdom would continue to stand beside America, however her speech also signaled a change of attitude in the relationship between the two countries.

A statement from Buckingham Palace confirmed that the Queen, badly hit by her foray into technology stocks and the plunging Nasdaq, intends to recoup her losses by revoking American independence.

Buckingham Palace has been working on plans to allow America to return to a British Crown Dependency for some time and believes the transition will be implemented with the minimum of fuss.

"We believe that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will have no trouble winning over the American people," a royal aide was quoted as saying.

Officials have also pointed to the recent Australian referendum that confirmed the Queen as Australian Head of State. However the British Government is leaving nothing to chance. They have recruited a number of Australian Monarchists to help their cause.

Kerry Jones, one of Australia's most ardent monarchists, is advising them on strategy. "I am confident that the American people will support us in our attempt to restore America to the United Kingdom.

"Based on the Australian experience we believe we can unify the American people behind our cause. We are proposing a minimalist model. The President, who will be elected by popular vote, will become known as the Governor General," said Kerry.

The monarchists firmly believe they will unite the American public behind them.

"It is obvious America is looking for a strong and powerful leader who is above party politics, someone who is not just interested in the spoils of office. We are confident we will get their support," said Philip Benwell, secretary of the Australian Monarchist League.

The Australian Monarchist League has set up a web site and electronic petition. They have also begun an email campaign targeting American households. A series of infomercials prepared by the AML are soon to screen on late night American television.

Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, still struggling to host her own day time chat show on American television, has begun the usual round of appearances on ABC's ``PrimeTime Live'' and the ``Late Show With David Letterman'' on CBS.

The Queen, urged on by the British government has formally apologised to American Native Indians and African Americans on behalf of the people of the United Kingdom.

Unconfirmed reports indicate Prince Charles has already left for New York where he hopes to personally congratulate Hillary Clinton and attend dinners criticising American architecture.

Prince Philip, a keen huntsman, is rumoured to have already secured the support of Charlton Heston, president of the National Rifle Association of America.

Princess Diana's two sons Prince Harry and Prince William (the Queen's grandsons) have announced their intention of attending American universities.

The French Government, disturbed by the intentions of the British have begun military exercises in Quebec.