Pauline Hanson


Horrorscopes for Pauline Hanson fans

If Pauline gets into Parliament, you ambitious types can roll up your sleeves and start kicking the asses of those lazy public servants who've never done a proper day's work in their lives. Privatise the lot of them.

When Pauline's in power, you food lovers can help open the Hanson chain of fish and chip restaurants around the country. Red mullet will be the speciality of the house.

You communicators can help raise money for Pauline's campaign. And if you're Poms, try and get a contribution from Nick Griffin, leader of the far-right British National Party and Pauline's biggest fan.

There'll be no room for you whinging emotional types once Pauline's elected. So harden the f*** up and find out why Pauline will be great for NSW and for Australia.

It's all very well being nice and nurturing, but where were you when Pauline was in prison? Not helping her get out of there were you? Now she's going from strength to strength, help her out. Vote for her.

Alright, you vain superficial types, get a Hanson haircut. Flaming red curls suit everyone. Then don an Australian flag one-piece swimsuit and run up and down Bondi beach, yelling 'Vote for Pauline'.

You kinky wacky types should try cannibalism, as Pauline has advised us so many Australians have already done. As long as you don't dole bludge at the same time.

Okay travellers, why not help make Pauline's birthplace a real tourist destination? Woolloongabba in Queensland has lots going for it. It was served by horse-drawn trams from 1885 to 1897, which were then replaced by electric trams. Exciting huh? Go there on your next trip.

You workers can't do better than joining the Hanson team. She always needs willing workers to support her cause. Tell all your friends, 'Red on the head, not under the bed'.

Alright exhibitionists, you know you want to. Go on 'Dancing with the stars'. See if you can get further than Pauline. Bet you can't as she was just sensational.

No time for dreaming about utopia, losers. Get with the program. Use your creative talents to devise a campaign song for Pauline, or maybe a nice poster. There are some on this website to inspire you.